Ruptured Kingdom, Leaving Tortured Citizens

And I cant wait for y’all to catch up..

I hope one day when they realised that mine, his and her answers put together are 6 6 6, I hope god didn’t came down hard on them.

I always question myself whether we’ve done our best, well now I think we did.

PS: if ya noe u and ur spouse r gonna be bias parents in future somehow, juz hv 2 kids..(not propaganda)

..or the third (no sequential relation) may feel left out.

Some Smartphones I’m Eyeing [Lately]

When I say lately, it means very recent. Because I’m always someone who thinks I want something, I’ll want it now, just like my dad. 

Lists of things I wanted and got it ASAP, only a few I could remember:

- I wanted a PlayStation I want it right then.

- A bicycle.

- iPad

- Playing a gun game in the “pass-malam” below my house in yishun (subsequently lied to my mum I did not slot an additional gold coin to play an additional game.. I still wonder how she guessed it, I still shook my head in deny….lol)

- iMac

..is that all? don’t think so lol. When I was young I see no harm in that – to be impatient and wanting something now. After trading, poker, and seeing my dad in a 3rd person view, I see that we humans are much much better if we are patient and wait for things we want. If you have such a personality like me as a trader, you have to suffer a lot to be successful.

Here is quote by the famous investor Warren Buffett 

“some things just take time; you can’t get a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.”

Ok enough of thoughts in words.. just some phones I’m eyeing lately:

HTC One X. Run on the latest Android version, Ice Cream Sandwich. Only consideration is the non-removable battery. I like the weight and screen resolution, tried the phone in phone shop and it was very smooth. I’m just concern with battery life because there ain’t much reviews on it. This should be it if the upcoming Samsung Galaxy S3 doesn’t impress.

Samsung Galaxy Nexus. Latest android version too, very light and great resolution. I haven’t really test this but I did carry the dummy and it feels good. Only thing is that battery life seems to be weak based on reviews I have read. But overall it still has many great review. Still under my option. 

Samsung Galaxy S3 (not the confirmed name yet). So the Samsung Galaxy S2 was one of the most impressive phone of 2011. So people are anticipating the sequel. It will be announced on 3rd May in London. If the launch date will take more than a month I’ll probably give it a miss. Otherwise I really look forward to this. 

Funny thing about me was, Android wasn’t in my option last week. And when I decide to have it, I googled it intensively and just put a few higher-end ones in my options, and then I quickly want it. Lastime I don’t really care about the importance of higher or lower end version (for example BlackBerry Bold vs Curve), but baby always says want to buy, buy the best one lo. lol.

Why not iPhone? Not that I hate it or it does not have what I want, nor if is too common. But I have an iPad, they both run on iOS. If I get an iPhone+iPad (I know many people does), it would be simply big and small version. I love the to have the best of both world, two different shits. In life, how many things can we have best of both world?

I’m enjoying my time using iPad + BlackBerry. Even iPad can’t beat the BlackBerry email and phone security. BlackBerry serves very impressive standard as a phone, when the BB 10 comes, which is made by QNX (just like their PlayBook), I think it will be a great leap for their smartphones. QWERTY keyboard is something I can’t leave behind the most. Without the button I feel really helpless. 

I need trading apps for Oanda and Poker apps (PokerStars recently launched mobile app in iOS & Android), so probably gonna give Android a try. 

As you can see, I can’t wait. LOL. Googling (or ogling) new phones in front of my current phone makes me feel like an unfaithful bastard.

Just Fly

The day before yesterday I had a dream (I always have). Waking up in a familiar setting, in my dad’s car. Dad driving, mum beside him. Me, as the youngest, usually in the back middle seat. My sis to my left and my bro to my right. Chit-chatting like we used to. Makes me wonder when was the last time it happened.

I woke up feeling surreal.

Last night I also had a dream. I was with a few friends, a few guns, killing a few zombies (I’m serious). We were running away from an incoming horde, I shot one of them who was running closely behind me, while covering my friends. After making sure my buddies were en-route I turned around to see the zombie still closing behind. I have missed. And then I was overran. I jump into the waters and woke up in shock.

I woke up with my heart beat racing.

And yet, of the two dreams, waking up feeling the former seemed more distant.

You can say either I’m living more & more into fantasy, or you are free to say I’m living more & more separated from my (by-gone) reality.

Those aside, I feel the scariest and most realistic dream I ever had (and always does) is broken/falling/dangling back-tooth.

My favourite dream, is always flying. Unlike dreaming you struck a lottery, win a poker tournament or your trade profit fly up, where you woke up feeling lost (of money) and disappointment, I love the feeling where I just flew in the air.

Like a bird.

Flying.

Wake up in appreciation of the dream I had…

Just fly.

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Sinful Week

I failed by IPPT (running) and am attending RT weekly. Hoping to maintain a healthy lifestyle while being unemployed, I enjoy the running & sweating. This week I ran twice but I doubt it any help, as my diet is sinful..! My dinners this week:

Monday – Subway (Turkey & Ham) ..the only healthy one.

Tuesday – KFC

Wednesday – Seafood @ Old Airport Rd (stingray, lala, gong gong, bbq wings, satay, otah)

Thursday – McDonald’s

Friday – Mum home-cooked (been awhile, that’s why I stuffed myself, got lala)

Saturday – Punggol Nasi Lemak

Sunday – Baby’s mum home-cooked (crab)

Wooohoo.. I’m gonna sweat the shit outta myself next week!!

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“Why We Shout In Anger”

Saw this article shared on Facebook yesterday. So true.. and couldn’t describe better than whats going on right now. Enjoy.

—————–

A Hindu saint who was visiting river Ganges to take bath found a group of family members on the banks, shouting in anger at each other. He turned to his disciples smiled and asked.

‘Why do people shout in anger shout at each other?’

Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, ‘Because we lose our calm, we shout.’

‘But, why should you shout when the other person is just next to you? You can as well tell him what you have to say in a soft manner.’ asked the saint

Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the other disciples.
Finally the saint explained, .

‘When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other to cover that great distance.

What happens when two people fall in love? They don’t shout at each other but talk softly, Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is either nonexistent or very small…’

The saint continued, ‘When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that’s all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.’

He looked at his disciples and said.

‘So when you argue do not let your hearts get distant, Do not say words that distance each other more, Or else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.’

—————–

We Can Only Wait For Y’all To Catch up

Havent posted something which are wordy n descriptive. Cant sleep at this hour becuz i slept alot today. 3 months have past, i would juz say things hv gotten worst than better. It is bigger n even relatives r aware much of the things going on, but, not what we are going thru.

Problems started off like a math question say 3 x 2. Whats ur answer? 6, ok. U got it. How did the two elders solve it? One says 7, wrong. The other say 5, wrong. Both wrong, so what do u do? Re-work ur own answer n try to find the solution. Everyone around them r telling them the ans is 6. Both insist each other is wrong, at the same time thinking their own answer is correct. Why does such thing happen? How can it be? The one who said 7, thinks that he is always right, therefore, mind shuts, nothing goes in. On the other hand, the one who said 5, dont fucking bother, she just had enough pleasing n giving in to the other’s answer.

In such a situation, u cant side both, cuz both have a wrong answer. So what do the friends n relative do? They try to enlighten them the answer is 6. They think that is easy peasy. So what happens when they fail? They hand it to the elders’ closest, the children.

The children, would most of them, have been guiding them the way to get six. Eg. 2 + 2 + 2, 3 + 3 n so on. Elders were attentive earlier, but the moment they wake up next morning, they forgot everything.

And it goes on for 3 months.

Whenever the elders met, they would argue their stand. So the children tries to separate them, but when they met, they argue the same thing. So the children, again, tries a more “permanent” way of separating them, and the moment they met, same argument. They are both oblivious of the pain they are causing to the surrounding people.

Soon the children themselves took side and had argument between themselves. They stopped talking to one another, and things between the children got even worst than between the two elders. The elders are still oblivious of it. They are drowned into the world of their own (mis)calculation, their own (seld-centered)rights.

The children left the home, leaving them two. Yup, they are the ones who brought them up, but the children wants to show their anger. They cracked their own heads thinking why wont the parents listen. Elders began to feel hurt when the house is empty, when things are not moving, voices are not heard except click of the hour clock.

Yet, they still think that the answers are 7 and 5.

If u cant accept the wind of change, u can never move on with life. Some times, things happen in such irony that, it is when u hv the heart to let go, it come ur way. Like the quote “birds of paradise only land at the hand that do not grasp”. Pride, in my opinion, is only something that kills u. It is one of the biggest obstacle in life. Nothing is absolute in this world, world dont revolves around u. We cant swim against the current, i wonder when will u understand that, and for that, that is why ur answer remains 7.

Family are the stem in our life. You may have branch out and know lots of other trees, but u should remember where the branch ur at come from. You can have the support from other trees at times, though it looked like a lot of times, but bear in mind, though, they are not the one who give u the essence of life, except ur very own stem, which are ur family. At the brink of being cut off from the stem, u still feel the need of freedom and the apathy towards our feelings, when u fell off the stem when ur frens’ branch could no longer hold u, feel not the regret. We will pick u up, but it will never be the same as before. You have to realise this some day, that is why now ur answer remains 5.

Forgive all my destructive thoughts, forgive me for leaving y’all in the dark n cold.. I miss u guys every night, i miss those fun we had, those chat we had, the trips we enjoyed and every single thing we done together. We never forgot the kindness n life given to us, for we children remind one another every night y’all the most important in our life..

..but our answers will always remain 6.

And right now,

We can only wait for y’all to catch up.

I’m Lost

..at what a mum should be like.

I’m lost..

..at what a dad should be like.

I’m lost..

..at what being a son should be like.

I’m lost..

..at what a home should be like.

No Matter..

…how you whine.

…how you mourn.

…how you beat yourself up.

life will never go back like before, ever again.

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Solon’s Warning

“The uncertain future has yet to come, with all variety of future; and him only to whom the divinity has guaranteed continued happiness until the end we may call happy.”

In other words, “it ain’t over til it’s over.”

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Words Along the Thinking Mind

Massive destructive thoughts been spinning in my mind past few days, causing blood rush and hasten heart beats.

I couldn’t believe the chaotic scenes that was generated but I felt relief that they didn’t come true.

Talk peace, as they listened. And I have finally said almost everything I would have said.

Still, some things bothered me as I slide these Bejeweled Blitz gems in three before I sleep.

I once thought..
those who have ears don’t listen, those who listen, do not care..

I hope it is not happening. I want to help out of help and nothing in return this time cause I love.

I hope things improve and I didn’t just spring her back into the trap and him into mindless thoughts & emotional disasters beyond control.

I have such fear of it falling apart despite I tried my best this evening, because I do not ever think ppl understand what I try to convey (I’m never good at it), I do not think ppl believe in things that I believe, for I believe in outliers. I guess I’m living in my world of my own pipe-dreams (which never happen).

Words from my mind some times doesn’t makes sense to ordinary people. I hope they don’t wake up feeling that way.

The rain at this hour seems like some kind of grievance brought from god, a setting which perfectly suits a helpless who tried his best and yet it didn’t change a thing. I hope not.

I hope they see it clearly.. And the will to do it again.

I hope they stay intact..

I hope..

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